Knowing Brian’s surgery was scheduled wasn’t a huge deal until it was three weeks, then two weeks, then a couple days before it was time. It wasn’t heart or brain surgery, but serious in that he would stay in the hospital and there were multiple what-ifs, and I was the one who was to wait and wait and wait. I was having to wait on my person–to see if my person was going to be okay (and really, the “I don’t want to be a veggie” talk the night before didn’t make for peaceful sleep).
And work has been, well, work. Busy and unbelievable at times. The work of an elementary school counselor is fascinating and never, ever dull. Classroom lessons and meetings might be scheduled, but all that falls to the wayside at a moment’s notice, depending on a parent who walks in and needs to talk now or a student who is worried about something–anything–dear to him. Needless to say, things have been a little hairy lately. Stress does a lot to us, makes us forget things and send repeat emails (I think I told that teacher what I needed to…), and the impending surgery and pumpkin spice lattes (decaf even) didn’t help.
I have said “I just want to stay in bed all day” oh, I don’t know, maybe ten times this month. Weekends are always nice–too short, of course, but busy, anyway. Even when nothing is planned, the thought of really hanging out in bed all day has been laughable. There’s always something that needs doing and why not not now, while there’s time to take care of it. It’s a thought that sticks in my mind and isn’t easily removed like gum on shoes. But, bed calls, and sometimes you just know you need rest in a big way.
So, Brian had his surgery, and I stayed all day at the hospital with him. I went home at nights and slept there, thinking it would be better for both us. The next day in the hospital, he felt like sitting up more and needed something to do. Patting the mattress, he asked me to join him there. Happy and grateful that we were passed that awful place of what if?, sitting together under the blankets in that gray room, and with absolutely nothing else that I could have busied myself with, we watched movies. I had to smile. Those long, anxious weeks before, I would have never guessed that in that place, under those surreal circumstances, I was going to finally be able to stay in bed all day.